All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
