I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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