Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
