My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
