i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
