What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
