Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
