i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
