hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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