if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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