I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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