Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
