she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im holly from the hills drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
