i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
