cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
