I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
