sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
