I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
