Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
