My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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