I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
