But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
