My cat gives me a boner
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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