During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
