1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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