No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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