Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
