9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
