dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I love you. Go after that dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
