She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bring money and cleavage
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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