youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
