Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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