on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
