About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
