So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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