No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
