I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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