Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
