if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
