Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The Olympian is in my bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
