I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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