Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need water and some morals
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
