still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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