My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
