I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
