This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
