remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
