I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
