It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This baby is an asshole
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
