I bet he comes in French.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
