How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i believe in u and ur pee
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
