Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
