last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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