There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
