i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
