Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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