I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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