so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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