So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Vodka?
Forever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
