while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
