I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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