So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
