You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
