one might say we're banned from that church
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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