You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
