at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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