life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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