he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i came on her dog
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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