I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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