I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
