Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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