like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize