god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
