I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to calm my uterus...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
