Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
