I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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