if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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