I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
