You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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