and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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