maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
