I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
