no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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