I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
