And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
