the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
