Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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