She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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