i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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